Monday, August 16, 2010

a Crazy adventure.

I wanted an adventure right? I mean isn't that what I signed on for by going on my "Crazy Escape" Well thats what I got. Don't get me wrong there were parts of it that were truly nice but there were lots of it that was crazy. I have been mulling it over and over like " Why am I surprised?" it's me after all. Everything I do, right now, is Crazy so why should a small "escape" be any different. I think it was because my expectations were a little bit different. OK lets be honest a lot different. But It was an experience and I learned something. And it seems like on this journey I have been doing a lot of " learning something".  Lets start with the crazy shall we?
 I was supposed to get the kids to my dads by 12:30pm on Sunday. I didn't get them there until almost 1:30pm. Oh the craziness!! Getting everything together. Meanwhile kids are going in all directions. Fighting and arguing and time outs. Meanwhile I am trying to rush around the house getting Aryanna and Petey bag together making sure I have all the instructions written out in a way that is organized and to the point. making sure there were enough diapers and extra clothes for Chase Leo since hi spits up on everything. Then get the milk together, the baby food. The bottles, bottle liners. Well you get the point. So finally into the car and away we go to my dads. We get there. kids out of the car and bags into the house. Instructions are given and shown where to find the "schedule of how everything goes" in the proper notebook. Meanwhile I find out that the driving directions I printed out are not the most "correct". So my dad writes new ones. Give all kids kisses and out the door I go on my way to my big "adventure". Finally I make it out of my dads and head to the open road. However since I don't do much driving other that to run to the stored all the time I kept missing my exits. I missed the one to get on 65-S so had to get off at the next exit turn around and try again. I missed the next one a small road off of State road 46. Just drove right past it. Turn around and then back on to the right road again. Alas I have made it. Meet the owners get checked in. So, I have my key. I go to open the door to the small cabin and I can't get the door to open. It's not the wrong key, it's that with all the humidity the wood has swelled and I cannot get it open. Walk back across the street to say yes, in fact I cannot get the door open. So some young kid comes over and beats on the door and finally the door opens. Wonderful. Little did I know that, that door was going to make me want to throw something heavy. Every time I came and went from that cabin I had to basically beat the door down to get it to open. In fact one time I shut it so well I couldn't get out of the cabin. I was trapped inside and couldn't get out. Because the Damn door was stuck. I now have a nice bruise forming on the side of my hand from all the times I banged on the door to get it open.
  Next meet up with the owners and off we go to meet some friends. The food was fantastic, the conversations were great and the wine was lovely. So back to the cabin we go. I go to get my key out, unlock the door, proceed to bang the crap out of the door . once in let dog out. back in, change clothes and head to bed.  I was hoping to have a nice rest but I had insane dreams all night and when I woke up in the morning my body hurt. Here is where the insanity comes in.
   Dog needs out. Get up get dressed. grab keys, purse, dog, and dog leash. Out we go. open door slam it shut. Out walking in the parking area and head back in to cabin so I can drop off dog to go get breakfast. Open purse can't find keys. Lovely. Luckily I did not lock the front door to cabin. But on this key chain is not only the "cabin" key but also the car keys. Bang on door, put dog inside. Back outside to look for key. Finally I find them in the grass. Back to cabin to lock the door. Bang on door, open door, lock door. Slam door and off to breakfast. Which was very tasty.  Come back to cabin to let dog out and get ready for a walk. Put on spf , grab ipod but cant find ear buds. Look in suitcase can't find them. look in purse can't find them. out of cabin to the car look in car can't find them. Back to cabin, look now in outside pocket find them. Great, Grab dog, keys, leash, sunglasses, ipod, and phone. Out we go. Dad calls. But I can't hear him well cause my service doesn't work well. finally I get a hold of him and I am sitting on a nice bench enjoying th breeze when the phone battery dies. Get up walk back to car plug phone in but adapter doesn't work. Find another one plug phone in but now can't get dad to answer. Leave him a txt and leave car with phone charging. Away dog and I go for a walk. head across the field and into the woods. Sadie is listening and coming back when I call her. but then I slip on a huge rock and decide to head back. At this point dog gets bee in her bonnet at off she goes. I can see her but she is not responding to me yelling for her. It;s a beautiful day and I am yelling "Sadie, Get back here" all across Story. Finally get a hold of dog. Dog is wet clear through and so in leash. Good! hold onto dog tightly. Head back to cabin unlock door bang on door in we go. leave dog in cabin. lock door, grab journal and head to the bench. this time no dog. Goodness!!
  Fins a nice outside table to relax and write when two biker people keep walking around asking me if "i know where everyone is" Start back to writing when someone lights up a cigarette. Lovely. Get up and head for higher ground. Finally I find a place to sit that is peaceful, and smells nice. Now peace.
  I am sitting on a lovely wooden swing under a tree. I can hear the sounds of birds and locusts all around me. I can see the butterflys in the garden. They float by me as if to say hi. When I tilt my head up I can see all the way up through the branches that hang over me, a beautiful blue sky. A nice cool breeze sweeps through my hair and caresses my face. Ahh lovely.  Eventually I get up go and have a divine lunch including pie and some iced tea. I guess to finally get to the point of it all.  I had a good time. But life got in the way. I didn't know what I was expecting. That life would just somehow stop for a minute. Or that I could have a 24 hour vacation from everything that frustrates me. Throughout all of this there were  many times when I missed the kids and I missed Pete that I really wanted to go home. What I find most difficult is that my fear that others will think I am not appreciative. I am really. But this was a hard trip. maybe that is just because it was my first trip away from the kids over night. But is it?  Is that the reason that it was so hard for me? I absolutely loved the food and the amazing butterfly's. But I tell you what comes to mind is my thinking that maybe I just wasn't really ready for this. I did it. I can say I did it. I didn't fall apart and sob on the floor. However I did have lots of frustration along the way. What does that mean? I keep wondering what the lesson? To know when I am in over my head. Or to use my voice and say, hey thanks but thats not really what I had planned. The way I was raised sometimes gets in the way. Like I would be disappointing someone by saying no, I don't really want to go. I would rather stay here and eat something here instead. But if I would have done that. I wouldn't have met. some really amazing people and listened to their life story. Or gotten a chance to share mine.
  I came home this afternoon feeling anxious, and raw from the inside out. I just wanted to hold my kids and keep them close. I wanted to go home and be in "my space" for a while.  For some reason I can't seem to gt it out of my head that I " should " have learned something about myself. I guess to me , all the work I do on trying to keep moving forward. Is my way in believing that there is something wonderful on that /this other side to a more positive and stronger being. Like in some ways I have to keep telling myself that  "this" is not going to break me.  I Guess as I sit here and think about it. Maybe for next time I Go somewhere on a get-away. I
 will look at it, as  an adventure. I feel that I may have spun around in circles. Maybe that was the point.  I saw beautiful butterfly's I stopped to smell the flowers.  instead of running right past them. I saw the beauty in everything. I had some fabulous food. Awesome conversations and now a new sense of Adventure.

1 comment:

  1. I have been wondering how the night out went. I admit, I am envious of a night away. What I learned from your experience is that I too, would be frustrated by many of the things you ran into. I need to realize that it is not really my kids that drive me crazy but my expectations of life and that it will happen anywhere! Believe are not the only one who feels crazy!!! Love your stories, you should write a book!