What is " Widow-Wear" you may ask? A shirt or articles of clothing that states " I am a Widow" In big bold letters on shirts that are the color of orange that hunters wear. That way everyone see's you coming. Shirts that read "Yes, I am a recent widow don't F@%*# with me!" Or " Recent widow,pregnant, and VERY Very Angry" Or even " Recent Widow + 3 kids = Completely insane" Therefore when your in the middle of Target trying to buy some groceries with three screaming kids in the cart you don't have everyone in the whole store giving those looks. Like "Lady shut your kids up" or "That crazy lady is at the store doing her shopping with all of her kids, she's insane" Which my reply is " Yes, I am well aware that I am insane!!" But again what choice do I have. Wait until I can find yet another person to help me out so that I can run to the store? Or pay a sitter so that I can run to the store? Yes both of these choices are easier and the american public will thank me for it but, I don't have time to wait or arrange something to be set up. Because at some point weather I have a sitter or not I will eventually have to go places by myself with all three children. Sorry people it just has to be done. The major item that I was in dire need of was frozen waffles. Aryanna and Petey think these things are just the best things in the whole wide world. They even eat them frozen. So for breakfast in the mornings I just open the freezer, open the box, pull one out and hand it to each kid. Voila breakfast is served!! A single mom's dream.
But back to Target or any store for that matter. I get the oddest looks. Like people can't believe that I would actually leave my house and venture out into the world with three small children. Therefore the t-shirt comes in handy. It also comes in handy when say we cry in the middle of the store for no reason. For example When I was standing in the frozen foods isle picking out my single serving of "smart ones" dinners. I used to cook. When I had someone to cook for. Or another time of crying came about when my kids were going insane in the store and I was getting all sorts of looks and I just started to cry. Because I had had it. My thought to myself then was " Really? What was I thinking? That I could go to the store and Aryanna, Petey, and Chase Leo would all behave at the same time for the whole trip to Target?" Now granted this thought could make any single mom or married mom cry. These are things that mothers on a daily basis have to deal with. Like when you take your child to the store for the first time. It's that trying to decide who goes in the car first the food or the kid. If it's hot you would want to put the kid in first. But then what if someone comes up behind you and tries to steal your car and your child is in there. Then they are trying to steal your car and your new baby. Honestly every mother has these thoughts. It just gets more complicated when you add more children to the mix. And in my case it's Do you put the baby in first or the bigger ones. If you put the baby in the car first he has to wait longer in the hot car than say the bigger ones do. And the baby just can't be to hot. But if you put the big ones in the car first then you leave the baby out in the cart. What if someone tries to steal your cart with all the groceries in it to get some free food. Then what, not only are they after the free food but they have your baby in the cart. Do you see where I am going with this? it's just a crazy cycle that goes on in a mothers brain!! And when you add grief on top of it well it's just amazing that I even get out of the car to go into a store. And there again is another point where a t-shirt would come in handy.
I mean people really have no idea how hard it is to do some of the things that I have to do. Going to the store is part of it. So if my kids are a little insane in the store, they have no idea what it took to get us there. It;s no wonder that I sometimes cry in the middle of the store. I mean think about the last time you were under a lot of stress. The stress itself is debilitating but then add your life and work on top of it. Don't you feel like you are walking through sludge? That it's impossible to get anything done. You can't get to work on time, always running late. Constantly frustrated and mad at everyone. Well that is kind of what grief is like. Only in my case and in other young widows with children cases you not only have your stress and grief but your children's stress and grief as well. On days when everyone is somewhat stable it's an awesome day! But, if you are off and say one of your kids is having a day too well, I might as well just throw in the towel. Yet for me it seems to be that these days when everything is completely crazy I decide to go to the store!! Again I am so crazy!! Because I can't satnd being at home. I have to get out of there. So everybody in the car, we are going to target!! Maybe the t-shirts could have like those dry erase boards attached to them with flshing lights too. That way I could just write things like "Recent Widow, REALLY REALLY Cranky" Or " Recent Widow, Please don't ask me how I am" Or even" Recent Widow, kids have had no naps" So I could wear the shirts, have Target on speed dial so that they could annouce my arrival to the whole store. Then noone would be giving me those looks. The instant we cross the threshold people scatter. However I am sure that " Widow-Wear would be short lived because then they would come out with " Divorce-Wear, and " Just Totaled my Car-Wear". Because heaven forbid Widows be singled out (lol heaven forbid) Maybe I should just come up with some sort of symbol that stand for Widow. And No I am not going to pick a spider. If it was just a symbol it could be universal. So everyone near and far that saw that symbol knew that Yes, you are a widow. Therefore people could hopefully be a little bit more considerate when they see you coming.
So next time you are in a store and some Crazy Red-Haired lady comes racing down the isle with hair going in all directions and kids falling out of the cart. Give me a little room and consideration. For I am one Crazy Widow!!